I am afraid

ryan dooley is the shit.

really thats all you can say. I once saw this man physically turn into
a bear and eat this guys face. Simply because he had a green shirt on.
On that particular day Mr. Dooley (as all should refer to him, unless said
person wants liver torn out) had seen a green tree in the latest of fall
(anything can set this bohemith off) and he wondered why this tree thought
it had special powers to not turn colors in the dead of fall. So after
chopping the tree down with a single karate chop and screaming "FUCK HUSQVARNA!!!"
the tree fell on a bus load of children. The surviving few climbed out, gave him
thier lunch money and proceeded to build him a
statue right there in the street to proclaim what he did
on that fine july day day (Mr. Dooley says fall is when he wants it to be).
So after this fine display of manliness Mr. Dooley calls me up and says,
"be outside in 3 min. 28 sec., i will be swooping by the crib to pick up you in my hover craft".
so me being the smart guy that i am shoved my girlfriend off of me while in the
reverse cowgirl position and told her to hide under my bed for exactally
3 min. and 50 sec. (we all know it takes at least 22 seconds to enter a hover craft).
He then proclaimed to me "I need to find some bust downs and get some jollys off".
I agreed he needed that medical procedure and rode along with. We listened to
kanye wests christmas album which enlightened me on some things. For instance
I naver new that santa had hoes, and also george bush hates midgets. So for those of
you living in the dark consider yourselves enlightened. we finnaly arive at our destination
after a short trip to china to slaughter the pussy bear Mr. Dooler hates, "aka"pandas",
(i mean seriously what the fuck? a cute bear? fuck that, bears are here for one thing
and one thing only; mauling shit.). So after whiping out the entire population with
one fierce fart from Mr. Dooley, i found myself in front of a house, in the middle of
minneapolis, in a place i had never been. The next thing i know some guy walks out of
the house in a full green crayola crayon outfit, and i put it all together, it's a
costume party... I tried to tackle the man and strip him of his costume, but that
sounded gay in my thoughts so i just stood there and said to myself "what a day to be
a green crayon." Mr. Dooley stood there stiff as a board, and within seconds he went from Mr. D
into smokey the bear with a marloboro light hanging out of his mouth and a G unit shirt on.
what proceeded was the worst death in the history of deaths. After it was all done I
turned around and all i saw was death, when all Mr. Dooley saw was raindbows.
This is not a force to be reckoned with, nuclear bombs, asteroids, and black holes be
aware, this mother fucker exists.